Too Many Problems

2008-07-11/3:28 a.m.

So far, the summer really sucks. So many things need to be done...like getting our house on the market! If we don't sell, good bye new dream school!

Yet..

I won't fucking move my ass.

It's more than being lazy, I just suck as a person. I want to change, but don't have the motivation to actually do anything. I really admire Alex. Here I am telling him to buck up and be confident and I'm the one sitting home all summer complaining on the internet. Can I get a brownie point for recognizing my own faults?

To make things worse, for the past week it feels like I've been having one non-stop hangover. I haven't been sleeping well at all lately. I can't even remember the last time I yawned. When I close my eyes, all my mind does is race. It speeds through all my worries and just keeps going over them until I can finally sleep hours later-or what seems like it. It doesn't stop there. My dreams have been about school. My old friends, the ones who turned on me in sixth grade, and one dream was about me going to a new school. It's like as if I still wanted to be friends with them or something..or I at least I wish I was still friends with the people they once were.

Speaking of friends, I haven't talked to any of my IRL friends at all since school ended. I went to Roberta's for her cousin Julie's birthday day party the Monday after school ended...weeks ago? I want to have a life but I've got myself convinced that I'm an utter bore and ugly. Like that girl in that one Seventeen magazine, "I feel too ugly to leave the house."

To make things even more worse, I now hate Gaia and AOL. Gaia made me addictive to the AMC even though it feels like a high school-very cliquey- and also for having login bugs or something like that. I can't log into my main account and I know I have the right password. Well that was on my laptop. I went on the family computer and I was still logged in there so I went to change my password and I changed my email as well. I then changed my email and pass again. I don't really remember why...they sent the first email verification to my gmail account but not one to my second email i put in-an aol one. The verification didn't work and I believe my account is deactivated? That what the email said.

I hate AOL because I can't receive any emails from Gaia. I can't receive a lot of mail from other sites also. So thanks AOL, you big douchebag. I contacted Gaia on the matter and I don't know what will happen. There was also a problem with my mule cosplay account. I also couldn't log in to it with the right password, so I had them send a reset link to my email-a hotmail one- and i reset it at least two times. Each time I logged out, I couldn't log back in even with the new reset passwords. It's ridiculous. I don't need this stress right now! I feel stupid for even getting angry at such a trivial problem!

I didn't even play Nostale today. Alex wasn't even on until about 10pm and he only stayed on long enough for me to bitch about the Gaia/AOL problem. I envy him for having a life though. I wish a lot of happiness for that kid. I really do. Maybe I'll just give up on myself and just pour all my energy into him to make his life successful.

Sounds like too much work though.